Drinking Games: Top Notch Nymph

This is a drinking game I invented, and has proven to be popular for years. The rules are quite simple: Get an old hard-core pornographic novel. They're usually available for a couple of bucks at a bin in those anonymous adult shops that you'll find in the downtown of any large city. (Minneapolis suggestion: Triple-X Superstore.)

Next you'll need some liquor and some naughty-minded friends. For liquor, we recommend shots of the trashiest sort possible -- Buttery Nipples, for example (Irish cream floated on top of butterscotch liqueur), or the deservedly despised Jello shot. I know, I know -- the Twin Cities' Guide to Sophisticated Drinking, eh? Well, we'll get back to Scotch and cognac soon enough, but sometimes you're just in the mood for some cheap liquor and licentiousness.

The game is simple: Each participant opens the book at random and reads a sentence. If the sentence is unspeakably filthy, they take a shot. Continue until the police and the tabloid reporters arrive.

The game gets its name from the book that inspired it, Top Notch Nymph by the formidably named Dana Furstenbed. This particular book is so filthy that the rules of the game had to be modified somewhat. Rather than take a shot when you read a notably vile passage, with Furstenbed's opus, you are only allowed to drink when you read a passge that is entirely innocent, of which there are precious few. Some samples passages, taken at random, I swear to god, and edited for our more prudish readers:

"She was fascinated by the deliberate strokes of Keith's pr***."

"Sandy swallowed his c*** and began her sucking motion."

"'Roberta, f*** me,' she whispered. 'F*** me hard. Ram that big c*** into me.'"

I can't really explain the last one either.

By he way, the Internet has allowed for a novel variation of Top Notch Nymph that I have dubbed "Suck and Screw Orgy" after the MP3 that inspired it. There's a surprising number of audiobloggers converting old erotic recordings into MP3s and posting them on their blog. Find one, download it, and play it to your assembled guests. Every time someone laughs, they must take a drink. Here's a sampling from Dinosaur Gardens to get you started, including the original Suck and Screw Orgy, which I highly recommend. (SPARBER)

The Bottle Gang presents these drinking games for entertainment and educational purposes only. Their presence on this site should not be construed as an endorsement of these games, and The Bottle Gang accepts no liability for the misuse of any information presented on this site. Alcohol should be drunk responsibly, and irresponsible or binge drinking can result in alcohol poisoning, injury, and even death.